in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
