i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize