I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
