Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
