I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
