just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize