oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
