do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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