i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
