is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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