Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
