i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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