If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
