Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
