guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
