you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
