i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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