if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
