he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
