I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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