uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ladies don't puke and tell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
