That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize