This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
