Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this hospital has no fireball
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
