I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
