life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
