OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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