Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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