After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize