Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize