So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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