Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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