I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We had to coat check the pizza.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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