Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize