12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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