Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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