I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize