sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
