Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize