I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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