TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
