dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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