She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Of course I have a pirate flag
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
