Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
