you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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