How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
