I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
