their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize