Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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