if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
