WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
