They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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