I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
