Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
