So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
