Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
