and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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