Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
