is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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