Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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