I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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