Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
