he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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