New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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