wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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