There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
