I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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