Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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