Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
