We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
