This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
