she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
