I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
