there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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